Daugher is dating an alcoholic
He has made up fabricated stories about us to our daughter — that we are pushy, intrusive, over-protective and jealous of our daughter’s closeness with him and his family.”“I did that to my mum – didn’t talk to her for 6 months. She was a dragon and I stayed away, coz if he knew he went over and threatened her.
My advice is never shut the door on your daughter and know she loves you but it’s hard.” Instinctively you might have tried to get your daughter to leave her partner, tell her you don’t like him, tell her to assert herself and stand up to him, tell her to meet her own needs and stop kowtowing to him.
If anyone tries to interfere in his “territory” he will retaliate — he will turn your attempts into an excuse to further degrade you and he will continue to coerce your daughter into taking sides — he will do what it takes to make her be loyal and dependent on him, and to be disloyal and break away from you. Leaving a controlling man is the most dangerous time for many women.
Research shows that while in relationship with a coercively controlling man, women are constantly safety planning, constantly managing ways to keep herself (and her children if she has any) . The chance of further control, and further violence rises when she leaves, or threatens to leave.
I have to confess that I am finding it all a terrible strain and miss my daughter very badly, but realise that there is not much else that we or anyone can do at this stage other than, whenever possible, to monitor the situation, fight against the increasing estrangement of our daughter from us her family, give her a bit of relief from the relentless abuse every now and again if we get a chance to do so, and make sure that if we get a chance to let her know we are there for her.” One mother told me that as time has gone by, she and her husband feel in a catch 22 situation because their daughter has drawn back from them even more, is less communicative and in less and less contact.
Empowerment entails a long process of reclaiming her own voice, reclaiming her intuition, re-developing the ability to critique what’s been going on, and the development of independent thoughts that differ from his.Maybe you’ve even gone as far as following her to work and spying on her. But more importantly, you don’t trust You must be able to trust your partner, and you must be able to trust yourself.So for all of you considering checking your partner’s phone that haven’t yet pulled the trigger: Don’t do it.Your aim is to let her know you are always there for her no matter what. Her rejection of you might mean you are not able to tell her that directly, but it can be indicated to her just by your presence.Or, depending on your intuition — you can say it directly and explicitly.