Charming dating profile headlines

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Nah, it’s completely fair, and I’ll tell you why, alright? Dating black girls is really a plus because you don’t have to worry about meeting their fathers. I’m outdoorsy in the sense that I like to get drunk on patios. I just want a guy to buy me flowers, send me a million cute texts an call me mine, I’ll make you food so wife me up. Just be John Cusack outside my window with a boombox. After going out for four years you decide to propose. I think that’s all you need to know I’ll make you dessert, if you don’t like it, there is always me ;)The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I’m singing Fergilicious and it’s at the part where she says “I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he’s my witness” I can point to him and he’ll do the little ” woo OOH” part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it’s stressful because right after the woo OOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is harder than you think Tessticles (haha that’s Tinder gold! Mirror selfies, rig shots and roid monkeys need not apply. I look like a kid, if you are into that kinda thing. A kiss makes my whole day, but anal makes my hole weak I’m grown up but not grown, grown. If I’m interested, I’ll place my underpants on the table. Return them washed, and we will consummate passionately. A plus if you wear my mom’s perfume and fit perfectly in the void she left.

The following excerpt from "The Boomer's Guide to Online Dating" will help get you started on the right foot.Our relationship should be like Nintendo 64–classic, fun to spend hours with, and every issue easily fixed by blowing on it then shoving it back in. I have an AMD graphics card, so you can say I’m used to things getting hot quickly. Team Leader / Party Starter (also see: bacon enthusiast, beard grower, semi-professional high fiver)I’m 6’3″ and will put you on my shoulders at concerts. I’m just here for sex from a white boy with mommy issues. But if you swipe right, I will match with you, I will flirt with you and I will fu*k you. I’m not good at taking off bras so don’t worry, I won’t ask you for casual sex. I read as many pages as I could after work, long into the night, and finally finished reading the thread after one whole week. Send me an emoji that represents our first date, I’ll send you an emoji that represents our future I’m banking on your standards being a lot lower than mine.“Sometimes life hands you lemons that are worth 2 in the bush, I like puppies.”I’ll write to you every day for a year. I’m a highly motivated, controlling, narcissistic asshole with bad grammar… It’s all on the list so you can use these messages to date and hookup with beautiful Tinder girls tonight. Just as if I was preparing for an exam, I wrote succinct notes on every great line or piece of advice in those thousands of posts ,which then became my Tinder cheat-sheet. that word bums me out unless it’s between “meat” and “pizza” Singer/actor. The only reason she sucks your d*ck is because her mom told her to appreciate the little things in life. Likes: climbing trees, bananas, grooming, finding bugs. I got a memory foam mattress if you are trying to chill. I’ll be Burger King and you’ll be mcdonalds, I’ll have it my way and you’ll be loving it.

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