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Postings such as: "I want a man who can look after me and knows how to treat a woman. I'm surprised and unsettled by the forward tone of some of the material. Determined to avoid the connotations, I reply: "The Beatles." I never hear from her again.
One woman sends me a message heavily laden with sexual innuendo and I come to regard her as the mistress of the single entendre. Another woman's first contact with me included a plan for a day out together, including visits to art galleries, a stroll round a park and then "a few hours under the duvet". I'm later propositioned by someone who tells me she has an hourglass figure.
After discussing how mundane marriages become and avoiding questions about my personal life, it's clear we're past our sell-by date after ten minutes, never mind ten years. She doesn't want to discuss her husband, and I feel uneasy talking to her.
Despite this, she still seems keen to flirt with me.
It may sound like an unpleasant niche website for a handful of amoral people to whom wedding vows never meant very much.
They are allowed to sign up for free as a way of ensuring the numbers are balanced between the sexes.This is how I find myself waiting for "Sophia Loren".She seems rather on edge and sends me a text message at the time we're due to meet asking why I'm using the website.In order to fit in with the general ethos of the website I have invented a wife.Our relationship, I note, has suffered because we don't spend enough time together (not surprising really, since she doesn't exist).